Les Vampires (1915-1916, continued)

And now for the final episode, Episode 10!

EPISODE 10 - "Les noces sanglantes" ("The Terrible Wedding")
Released:  June 30, 1916


Sounds like a Lemony Snicket novel.

I love how they list the concierge's death, as if it's important.

Anyways, Phillipe and Jeanne are now married, but as usual they're being melodramatic about the Vampires and how they can never be happy because of them and how their life sucks and how much they wish they were dead...nah, I'm kidding, but they're still being melodramatic, saying how they won't be happy with the Vampires hanging around.  They keep the Guèrande's home under surveillance day and night.  The concierge's widow Augustine becomes the Guèrande's chamber maid.  She receives a strange letter telling her to go to a fortune teller to solve the mysteries surrounding her.  In a rather haunting scene, the fortune teller conjures up apparitions of Irma and Lilly and Venomous.  She then hypnotizes Augustine and tells her that at two o'clock in the morning, she will open the door to her master's apartment.  Augustine leaves and then in perhaps the CUTEST scene in cinema history, Mazamette, who has a crush on her, takes her arm in his and says "Don't you want to put your trust in me?" and the two go home, Augustine begging him not to say anything to the Guèrandes.  SO.  ADORABLE.

Anyway, as predicted, Augustine opens the door at two AM to Irma Vep, Lilly and another Vampire.  These frigging idiots just won't go away.  That must be the millionth time I've typed Irma Vep.  Anyway, they bound and gag her and set up some sort of machine.  Luckily, Mazamette is watching and wakes up Phillipe and The Journalist Wonder and His Mustachioed Sidekick save the day again and alert the police.

Reasons Why Phillipe Guèrande Is A Bad-Ass #32:  he sleeps with a gun under his pillow.  Like, holy frick that just made him about 10 times sexier.  Also interesting and ahead of its time is the fact that they show that the couple sleeps in the same bed.  I understand that this is pre-code, but even some films from the 20s show couples sleeping in the same bed.


Anyway, while asleep, Jeanne cannot help but notice that someone is cutting out her window.  When she sees that it's a Vampire, she shoots him/her with her husband's gun.  Going to investigate, she is pulled down by a rope and carried away.  


I just want to take the time here to say that I'm really glad that Phillipe got some balls and moved out of his mother's place.  


Back to the film:  in a scene that once and for all proves that LES VAMPIRES is ahead of its time by about fifty years, Phillipe infiltrates where Augustine and Jeanne are being held (is he wearing tap-dancing shoes in this scene?) by lassoing a rope to a balcony and climbing up to it.


Meanwhile, the Vampires are doing something positive for once in their lives and celebrating the wedding of Irma and Venomous.  I know, I know...it's probably a business arrangement.  


The next day Phillipe brings Mazamette and about a million cops to investigate the scene while the Vampires are still partying.  Wow.  Frats and sororities can take a LOT of pointers from these guys!  And as much as I hate Irma, she sure can dance, but she's no Gene Kelly or Donald O'Connor.  And then these losers think it's SO FUNNY to draw a picture of Mazamette and then shoot it.  Karma is a bitch because the cops end up raiding their asses.  Irma grabs and gun and runs to where Augustine and Jeanne are being held captive.  In a move that is just freaking EPIC, Jeanne shoots her with hubby's gun and the girls run off with the boys.


The film finally ends with Mazamette asking Augustine's hand in marriage and everyone living happily after.  THE END.


And there you have it.  10 episodes, each with distinct plot lines and amazing features that were ahead of their time.  The whole serial gets 4 out of 5 stars.